By Sharma Krauskopf
Losses
Recently I went through three different losses. All sad and traumatic but some more so than others. First my stepmother died. She had been ill and was 95 years old so although it was sad it was expected. A major problem developed from her death. Her passing left my bed-ridden father alone in Florida in an adult foster care home. We are trying to move him closer to some of the family but so far we can not find a facility which will take him.
The second loss a few days later was of a beloved family pet. She also was nearing the end of her expected life span. Her death caught me off guard. Maybe it was two deaths so close together but it hit me hard. I found tears and sadness a constant companion for a few days.
The third loss a few days later was in many ways the hardest. I lost a friend. In my life losing a friend is a tragedy of great portions. I have not lost many true friends. Friendship is something only you can give to another and is more precious than any jewel. Why did the friendship end? I think the friendship had a strike against it from the beginning as it was built over the Internet. My friend and I had never actually met and the closest to normal contact was a few telephone conversations. Having been in the WWW business for many years I know that email friendships can be difficult. Since you are only dealing with words on a computer screen you do not have the advantage of body language, tone of voice, or looking in someone's eyes to help you relate. As I found out near the end my friend and I were different in many ways. Major issues were not involved in the breakup. A culmination of many small ones brought the end. Our biggest disagreement as it turned out related to viewpoints about Scotland. We began to argue about what was the "real" Scotland. My friend believed I had a romantic and tourist view of the country. In fact, the friend said in many ways I would always be a "tourist" even thought I lived there. I was being accused of being an outlander or incomer. A quote "I was like those people from down south." The friend being a Scot this was an extremely negative statement.
The center of the argument was really a difference between a rural and urban perspective. My lighthouse is in a remote location on the Shetland Islands. I love the islands and their people. The other person lives near Edinburgh and is into the urban scene. Scotland is both. It is rural and urban people struggling to make a living. Like all countries it is a mixture of both. We celebrate the history and culture of Scotland in Scottish Radiance because that is what most people want to know. Modern Scotland is just as interesting and hopefully we have a little bit of that in the magazine.
In closing why is losing a friend seem more devastating than losing my elderly stepmother and a family pet. The friend is still out there somewhere and I think of that person frequently. The friendship could have continued but somehow we messed it up. I failed in some way. The other failed in some way. I am firm believer that a mistake is an opportunity to learn. My comment is always "the next time I will…. The ending of that statement is a positive affirmation about doing the opposite of what I did wrong. I only wish I could have another go at the lost friendship to see if I could do better. But, the other person has disappeared into cyberspace - lost to me forever.