by
Frank Hatton

I'm walking along a road, suddenly, there you are standing beside your car, looking very woebegone and forlorn, (have I lost you yet?), and immediately, my sympathy leaps into being.

"What's the problem?" I ask.

Your face lights up,... here is a good Samaritan.

"I dunno," you say, "I was driving along, and suddenly the engine just stopped."

"Have you run out of petrol?" I suggest......

"Out of what?" says you.

"You know, the stuff that makes your car go along the road." I answer.

"Oh, you mean gas, no, I've got half a tank full"

"Right, well let's have a look under the bonnet"

"Under the what?"

"The bonnet,.. that bit that covers the engine"

"Ah, you mean the hood,.... no, I haven't looked under that yet."

So, we open the hood/bonnet, and poke and prod around the bits and pieces that make up the engine. There seems to be a leak of petrol/gas at the junction of the feed pipe.

"Do you have a shifting spanner?" I ask.

"A what spanner?" you ask.

"It's a sort of adjustable spanner."

" I guess you mean a monkey wrench, yeah there's one in the trunk." I look wildly around for this elephant, with secret recesses in it's elongated, prehensile nose. However, my fears are calmed when you go to the rear of the car and open the boot.

OK, let's cut the story short, and say that, between us, we sort out the problem, and you get on your way again....... My point being, that we have a common language, but, my goodness, it can get very confusing at times.

So, what brings this all to the fore? Well, I think I have mentioned, that by way of this little column, I have had some very nice written exchanges with several of you readers, and, lots of words which I thought were common to us both, have proved to be otherwise. I don't know why this is, but, everytime I hear a new word, or expression, I expect the origin to be in the USA, and this in itself dates back to my youth, when I used to go the cinema (the movies), and heard these strange expressions, like...... "Stick ya hands up ya bum"..... Now, to anyone who knows how we British use the word ' bum', you will appreciate the utter confusion this caused. To anyone not familiar with the terminology,...... our 'Bum', equates to your 'Fanny', (the buttocks). So, "Stick ya hands up ya bum", is to us Brits, either a physical impossibility, or, given sufficient dexterity, a very painful experience. For your 'bum'/hobo, we use 'tramp'. Like, to hold up the pants/trousers your 'suspenders' are our 'braces'. Our 'lifts' are your 'elevators'. Your 'back yards' are our 'gardens'. Our 'pavements' are your 'sidewalks'...... the list goes on and on.

Now, I feel sure that most of you will have had a little smile at my gentle prodding on the differences in our vocabularies............ However, there is a more serious side to the matter. In the late 1970's, a Dr. Robert Burchfield, then Chief Editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, wrote a thesis containing a series of predictions. These in turn were based on the historical tendency for languages to break up, when subjected to usage in varying parts of the world. We have the start of these changes in Caribbean English, Indian English, the various forms of African English, and of course the Australian English, and American English. Dr. Burchfield quoted the examples of Roman Latin, which broke up into mutually unintelligible, French, Spanish, and Italian. In later times, we have had the emergence of the great Germanic languages of Western Europe,--- English, German, Dutch, Norwegian, Swedish and so on, ---- from the mutually intelligible dialects of the fifth century AD.

How we, with the benefit of our modern communications, have drifted so much apart, from what used to be a common language, I know not, but, the divide exists. Perhaps somebody far more clever than I, would know whether the situation is worsening, or improving. Sincerely, I do trust it is improving,.... otherwise, I envisage the day when my little column will be so unintelligible to you, that you will find it useless So, whilst we still have a reasonable degree of understanding, let's get on with the normal interchange of information.

We often overlook the benefits of the natural order of things that our life falls into, and I was reminded of this today, while driving home from a shopping expedition with my wife. We passed the local Fire Station, and there, some 60 or 70 feet up in the air, were a couple of firemen under training. They were on one of those moving platforms, which seem to be replacing the extending ladders on fire engines. Anyway, there were these guys, directing a fierce stream of water towards a simulated burning building. My wife said she found it strange that people could pick being a fireman as a way of earning a living. Her main point being, that the dangers of the job, were probably not in ratio to the amount of money they got. I pointed out that many other occupations fell into a similar category, in that policemen, soldiers, sailors, airmen, lifeboat crews, and many more, often faced mortal danger when doing their job. With the cold logic, with which most women are blessed, my wife said that there were so many more attractive ways of earning a living,.... like, being a teacher, a doctor, or a nurse. Being a shopkeeper, a dentist, a garage mechanic, an entertainer in show business, etc., etc., so why would folk want to take up these risky occupations, sometimes for less money than they could get in a safer job. It was at that stage, I began to realise just how fortunate we are,..... people choose to do these jobs, they are not forced into them, and they do the work, full knowing that they could easily face a life threatening situation, any day of the week........ Like so many other factors in our lives, we take them so much for granted,..... With such people living in our midst, I feel a great confidence in the human race.

Way back at the start of these monthly articles, I feel sure that I mentioned the popularity of the area in which I live, as a haven for retired folk.

It was recently stated in one of our national newspapers, that the population of our particular town has 33.4% folk who are over the age of 65 years, which is the highest in the whole country. The other feature, which is either good news, or bad news, depending on ones viewpoint, is that as a race, we are starting to live longer and longer. I made some jokes in those earlier articles, about our local stores having bi- focal windows fitted, and how it was very dangerous to fall over,... in that there was nobody around, young enough to help you up on your feet again. However, this increase in the number of older folk is going to become quite a serious problem in the not too distant future. Our pensions have always been the responsibility of the government, and currently remain so. However, with the change in balance of the folk paying taxes, and the number of people drawing a pension from these taxes, the time is fast approaching where it is necessary for private pension schemes to operate, which will provide future generations of people coming up to retirement, with funding, independent from the government. Ultimately, we have to reach the stage where all pensions are self funding. It is this sort of information about the British society that I hope will be of interest to you readers, but, at the same time, I, and most of us in this country, have no idea how the USA deals with its senior citizens. Does the US government provide a pension, if so, how does it compare with our married man's pension of $160 a week, and a married womans pension of around $65 a week?? Giving a combined total of $225 per week. Without an additional pension from ones former employer, and/or an investment income, life could be very tough. Anybody care to write to me, and let me know how you fare on your side of the pond??

Now,......here is an item which appeared in one of our national daily newspapers. I must confess, that when I saw the headline splashed across the page, it got me quite excited. "24,000 mph UFO BUZZES BRITAIN", with a sub headline that our RAF tracked the mystery craft over the North Sea,.... and two Dutch F16 fighters could not catch it. There then follows a write up on how RAF officials were baffled by the 900 foot long craft. "It was definitely under control, judging by the various manoeuvres executed" said a source. It was flying in a zig-zag pattern at 17,000 mph over the North Sea. It then accelerated to 24,000 mph, and zoomed off towards the Atlantic. The article goes on to describe other radar tapes made over the last two years, and how the mystery of the UFO's deepens. Finally,... and this is the amusing bit,... the article finishes with the words, "While the 900 foot long craft is most likely to be an experimental aircraft, or a freak weather effect, UFO watchers believe it is further evidence that the Earth is being visited by alien craft" Now,... isn't that the best example of an anti-climax ever???

Just one final smile, There is a film called, 'The madness of King George 111. ----Which is of course the story of King George the third. It is claimed that when the film was sent over to the USA, the title was changed to 'The madness of King George',----- because of the possibility that folk might think they had missed the first two films in the series.

'Til next time,
Frank Hatton

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You can find more articles in the archive under From Over the Pond