Introduction:

Courtship and marriage are important for all societies
and all sorts of customs and rituals have arisen which
are associated with these events. Here are some of the
customs which used to be prevalent in Scotland and
some which have survived to this day. Of course, a
number of these practices were taken to other parts of
the world as a result of emigration.

Prophecies:

Although most people married locally, young people
learned from an early age how to foretell who their
marriage partner would be or what he/she would be
like. For example, by paring an apple so that the skin
comes off in one length. As the clock strikes twelve,
it was swung round the head and thrown over the left
shoulder. When it landed it would form the first
letter of the name of the future spouse. Also, two
nuts were burnt in a fire - if they burnt quietly all
would be well, if they exploded and burst, true love
would be hard to find.

Valentine Dealing:

On 14 February an equal number of male and female
names were written on bits of paper and placed in
separate hats. Each person drew out a name from the
appropriate hat. Whoever became paired, were
sweethearts for the following year. The modern custom
of sending Valentine cards stems from this. Modern
envelopes have "Postman, postman, do not tarry, take
this to the girl I'll marry" and "SWALK" (sealed with
a loving kiss) and/or HOLLAND (how our love lasts and
never dies) written on them.

Winching/courting:

Walking out was a popular activity for the young men
and women in towns. They would gradually pair off and
when they became betrothed, they stood on opposite
sides of a burn, dipped their hands in the water and
joined hands.

Bundling:

The custom of bundling was found in many parts of the
country but was particularly prevalent in Orkney
(perhaps because of the long, dark, cold winter
nights). The courting couple were encouraged to share
a bed - but they were fully clothed and the boy was
sewn into bolster cover! The idea was to allow the
couple to talk and get to know each other but in the
safe (and warm) confines of the girl's house.

Name Carving:

Initials were often carved on tree trunks or on
stones. Some of these bridal stones still exist.

Dance Halls:

These were popular meeting places in towns and cities
in the 20th century. It was customary for the men to
stand on one side of the hall and girls on the other.
When the announcement "Please take your partners
for..." was made, there was a mad rush by the boys
across the dance floor. The legendary question was
"Are ye dancing?" to which the reply was "Are ye
askin?" As the evening progressed, there might be a
mutual agreement for the young man to "lumber" a girl
home.

Bottom Drawer and Dowries:

A bride was expected to have a collection of
bed-linen, blankets, table linen and bedroom
furnishings to take to her new home. The father was
also expected to provide a dowry - perhaps a few
cattle or sheep or money. Lairds often went into debt
to provide their daughters with a good dowry
(especially if it was the dowry which made the girl
attractive!)

Leap Year:

It is said that in the 11th century Queen Margaret
introduced the custom of allowing girls to ask the boy
to marry her on 29 February in a leap year. It evolved
later that if the boy refused, he had to buy her a
dress and kid gloves instead!

Minimum Age:

Until 1929, a girl could legally get married at the
age of 12 or above and a boy at 14 though marriage at
such a young age was extremely rare. In 1929 the age
was raised to 16. However, in Scotland no parental
consent is required from that age, whereas in England
the consent of parents was (and is) required until the
age of 18. This resulted in young English couples
coming to Scotland if they were unable to get their
parents' permission. Since the first town of any size
over the Scottish/English border was Gretna Green,
this became a frequent place for the marriage to take
place. The perpetuation of the tradition of the local
blacksmith there carrying out a form of wedding
ceremonies added to the romance. There are now over
4,000 weddings a year at Gretna in Scotland's "wedding
capital" which has now become a popular tourist
attraction even for those not getting married.

Banns:

Announcing the intended wedding in the kirk was known
as "crying the banns" or "crying siller". For some
time now, in an increasingly secular society, notices
of marriage can also be displayed at the office of the
Registrar. This has to be done at least 15 days in
advance of the wedding and not more than three months
ahead. Such a notice was displayed outside Dornoch
Cathedral 15 days before the marriage of Madonna and
Guy Ritchie in December 2000.

Show of Presents:

Friends and relatives provided presents to help the
intending couple to set up home. There was a "show of
presents" when everyone came to see what they had
received. This was a particularly West of
Scotland/Glasgow custom though in Moray it was also
found and there it was called "bucking".

Stag Night and Hen Nights:

I'm sure you know all about those! In addition, female
office and factory workers leaving to get married were
often dressed up with balloons, "L" plates, carried a
chamber pot (often with salt inside) and were covered
in paper flowers and sometimes carried in a barrow to
be paraded through the streets. Passing men were
encouraged to kiss the prospective bride in exchange
for money dropped into the chamber pot. While still in
evidence, this ritual is dying out.

Co-habitation:

Until recently, it was possible to become married by
"habitation and repute" just by living together as
husband and wife. Of course, these days, even if it is
no longer called "co-habitation" many couples set up
home together and have a family without a formal
wedding ceremony. The number of marriages in Scotland
is 25% less than it was 25 years ago and the
percentage of children born out of wedlock is amongst
the highest in Europe.

Weddings:

"Free" weddings were where the father of the bride
paid for all the food and drink. Scots weddings
usually continue into the evening with dancing and
more alcohol! Penny weddings meant each guest provided
some food and drink and these often lasted for more
than one day.

Wedding Gowns:

The colour white for a wedding dress was introduced by
Queen Victoria - prior to that any colour was ok
except green (which was associated with the fairies)
and black (which was for mourning). The tradition of
the bride wearing "something old, something new,
something borrowed, something blue" is still often
followed. Traditionally, there were never any knots in
ribbons or clothing but these were retied after the
wedding - tying the knot.

Location of Weddings:

Weddings can take place anywhere in the country if an
authorized minister of religion is officiating. So
weddings on mountain tops or on a ship in territorial
waters are possible. But civil weddings can currently
only take place in the Registrar's office - though
there are moves in the pipeline to change this.

Scramble:

This started as the bride throwing a decorated ball as
she left the kirk. This evolved into the bridegroom
throwing coins as he left home and on leaving the
kirk. Young boys scrambled to pick them up. The custom
is less prevalent now due to the danger of accidents
happening as youngsters jostled for the coins.

Rings:

The ring on the third finger of the left hand goes
back to Roman times but was banned in Scotland after
the Reformation in the 16th century as being a Popish
relic. But the custom came back again in the 17th
century. The wearing of wedding rings by men is a
recent innovation.

Wedding Cake:

This was once a "bridescake" (a sort of shortbread)
baked by the brides mother. A piece was broken over
the bride's head - if it broke into small pieces, the
marriage would be fruitful. The custom of both bride
and groom cutting the cake is recent - it used to be
just the bride. Everyone got a piece of cake and also
sending a piece of cake to all who had given a present
became the norm. When the more modern, fruit-cake
covered in icing style of cake came into fashion, it
was customary to have small trinkets inside so guests
had to watch carefully as they ate!

New Home:

In earlier times there was rarely money for such
things as honeymoons and the young couple would go to
their new home after the wedding and reception. The
groom carrying the bride over the threshold was to
avoid the bad luck of her tripping on the way in.

You can find more articles in the archive under Fada 's Farsaing (Far and Wide)