Thomas and Sandy stepped out of the fraudster's tent and joined the jostle and cacophony
of the festival. The air resounded to the strains of bagpipes, trumpets, trombones, cymbals, bass drums and touters' horns.
Sideshow touters, dressed in threadbare stage clothes of many and soiled colours, were
doing their shouting and cavorting best to attract people with pennies in their pockets.
Tumblers performed miraculous
feats of gymnastics, bears
danced, jugglers juggled and
clowns wandered about with
fixed smiles painted on tired
faces, among pressing crowds
of eager urchins, grown-ups
and the young men and
women-about town.
"Losh, Sandy, tak a look at
tha'!" exclaimed Thomas,
pointing to a sign showing an
enormous boa constrictor to be
viewed within for a half-penny.
"Hoots, that would be somethin'
to see, wouldn't it?"
"Shall we gang in?"
"Nah. I bet you if there's any
snake at all in that tent, it will
be a pitiful wee thing in a
blanket. I'll nae be fooled twice
in one day."
"Then look o'er yonder - there's
a tent that has a black giantess
and a pig-faced lady, and it's
only a half-penny to see them
both."
"Ugh! Who wants to gawp at a
pig wumman?"
"I do, and I'm ganging in. Are
ye wi' me or no?"
The boys joined a crowd of
fellow gullibles inside the tent
and waited. After a short
interval a statuesque female
wearing a bright yellow dress,
yards of multi-coloured beads
and a headdress of tall ostrich
plumes walked onto the stage.
"Hoot-toots - take a look at
that! She really is a muckle
giant," exclaimed Sandy. "She
maun be at least six feet tall
and look at the size of her feet!"
"And see where she didna
shave properly this mornin',"
said Thomas, who had been
looking out for such tell-tale
evidence. The giantess fraud
was well-known.
"Weel noo, an' when I tak'
another gawp at her, I can see
her face isnae quite sae black
on the left as it is on the right,"
replied Sandy.
Throughout the tent, boys of all
ages up to 60 had realised the
giantess was a hoax, and were
laughing and hurling insults.
The burly poseur showed not
the least bit of distress at being
unmasked, and proceeded to
announce the second part of
the double act.
"Ladies and gentlemen - I give
you the lady with the face of a
pig!"
The giantess pulled on a cord,
and a length of sacking fell
aside to reveal a frightened bear
with its head shaven, dressed
as a woman and strapped to a
sturdy chair.
This was too sick, even for the
hardened and sceptical
Glasgow audience, which filed
out of the tent, muttering
darkly.
"Tha's the last freak show I'll be
seein' the day," declared
Thomas. Sandy agreed
heartily, and for the rest of their
visit they avoided all such
establishments, thus losing the
opportunity to see the Savages
from Africa, the Armless Lady
from Newfoundland who could
sew and cut watch-papers
using her toes, the Fire-Proof
Lady who pranced about on a
hot iron, the Hercules who
could bear tons of weight on his
body and toss immense
weights around like balls of
wool, the Smallest Married Man
in the World and sundry
pairings of giants and dwarves.
They did enjoy the Punch and
Judy show, but declined to visit
the juggler who, they were
hoarsely informed via a voice
trumpet, swallowed knives and
forks and vomited flames of fire
and endless yards of silk ribbon